Sooo Slow

As an admitted self-improvement junkie, New Years Resolutions are such joy. There is so much motivation in the air. I find it euphoric. I headed out to buy a new planner out of Resolution #3: Be more organized. But I went to TJ Maxx because I only wanted to use a gift card out of Resolution #4: Never spend any money ever again. TJ Maxx has many wonderful treasures but not a great selection of planners. I left with no planner but no money spent. Half euphoria.

I have so many resolutions this year - philosophical, spiritual, wellness-based, image enhancing. It was getting a bit convoluted. Especially with no planner. So I took a step back and decided to go with the year theme. There is a lot I want out of this year but one word kept tugging at the back of my mind: slow. I want to slow down. I want speak slowly. I want to listen longer and be slow to respond. I want to move slow enough to make contact and say hello to people I pass. I want to be fully present in every interaction even if it means actually doing only one thing at a time.

But more than anything I want to slow down with the girls. I want to rush them less. This will take some work. They don't really keep a normal or predictable pace - or like to wear clothes. Getting out of the house or back into the house is often quite ugly. "Come on, hurry up. Put your shoes back on! Stand up! I can't carry you and this bag and your cup and Elmo and Diego! WALK! WALK LIKE A NORMAL PERSON! Stop hanging on me! Come this way! In the door! Let me strap you in! No - get out of the drivers seat. WE HAVE TO GO NOW! WHY ARE WE ALWAYS LATE EVERYWHERE?!

So really, until I can accomplish all of my resolutions including #10 Get Organized for the Next Morning the Night Before...The Year of Slow will most probably look like The Year of Late. But that's okay. Last year was The Year of Late and Yelling and Regret.

We attended a very tender funeral last night for an incredible man. He received a devastating diagnosis in September. He traveled to Europe with his wife in October. He continued to volunteer in the church nursery in November and he passed away days before Christmas. Life moves at a hearbreaking speed. What is celebrated and remembered in eulogies is never what I am yelling about at 8:50 in the morning. So if the Year of Slow really becomes the Year of No Other Accomplishments, so be it. Then I never really needed a planner after all.